Fired up. Ready to go.
Whatever you call it. I got it. Again.
I had lost it for a while. Gone. Buried underneath stories, opinions that weren’t my own,
but that I had let crowd my self.
Now I’ve got it. Again. I feel it everywhere. Everywhere.
It’s in the nature outside my window. It’s in the conversations around me. Everywhere. In
everything. In me.
And it feels like coming home.
That place where you feel comfortable, but also not comfortable. It’s hard. Because I have to push some people away. People that are close to me. That have been in my life for a long time. But they don’t have the conversations that I need to hear. There is just the negative and the what ifs. What if this doesn’t work out? Then I start again. But what if it does work out? What if I am a success? Whatever happens you will be there to say, I told you so. I don’t need that. I know that there is care and support behind the words, but what I really need to hear is, if there is anything I can do, let me know. And the more I think about these negative conversations, the more I lose this motivation. Moving forward, making decisions to allow progress to happen. A to-do list. Keep moving.
A mantra that goes round and around my head. The how just happens. Using my past experience and my gut instinct. Keep moving.
And what is this sensation? This emotion? This feeling which propels me forward? I can’t describe it. It just is. And the more I keep moving, the bigger and faster this sensation grows. The more I talk about it, outside of my head, the more momentum it grows.
It feels like you are about to burst into a million pieces. It’s when actions and thoughts flow together and create a sense of peace and that feeling of calm washes over you and you know that what you are doing right now, is what you are meant to be doing. Energy flows on where ever you focus. If you constantly surround yourself with people
who support your ideas with enthusiasm, you have your people. Weeding these folk out can be a challenge and a constant practise in itself. And people change. We change. I change. Our wants and needs change. Constantly. People in our life ebb and flow. It’s figuring out what you want and need and then where you can find these.
When you move away from your support network, finding a new support network can be tricky. Especially when you move across the world. Don’t get me wrong, your old support network is there for you. With technology, it’s so easy and convenient to keep in touch.
However, there is nothing like a hug after a hard day, or sharing a bottle of wine with a friend to hash out a challenge. And until you find your crew, this can be so, so lonely.
From someone who has moved countries twice, starting from scratch is tough. When you start a new job, your colleagues become your lifeline or become your tribe, your people, or until your support network find you and you find them. And you know instantly who these people are.
So what does this have to do with this sensation we experience when we are motivated and inspired and excited about what we are doing?
Everything and nothing.
Everything because these people will be a part of your foundation. They provide support,
laughter, a shoulder for your tears, wine, advice and another perspective.
Nothing: in that it comes down to you. To me. I am the only one who can make this happen. I am the one to push it through. No one else is going to do the hard work. We all have our separate paths. Only I can walk my path. We will intersect with our tribe and with our own personal challenges. And when we move forward, situations and people teach us lessons and keep us on our path. When we listen to our self. When we take the time to really listen to what our own needs and wants are.
I recently found myself in a situation where I was so excited and motivated to be doing what I am meant to be doing. But then an outside voice became louder and louder.
And things went downhill. My negative self talk was turned on full blast. There was so many ‘what if’ conversations that I began to doubt myself. Instead of turning the external conversation into excitement into what I was doing I let myself be led down the path of
self doubt. And there was a huge internal battle that took place. I was so conflicted. Here was me, so full of passion about my new path, I felt like nothing could stop me and within 24 hours I was second guessing myself. I was having serious thoughts about going back to my old life where I experienced so much pain and fear. But it was also safe. I knew what to expect.
During the depths of negative talk, there was still a small voice shouting to be heard. And it took time for it to be heard. The negativity was so loud. So loud. And during this time I was travelling. Another of my passions. But I didn’t enjoy it and that created more negative talk. And that was the turning point. I had to do something. This small voice that was continuing to shout started to get louder and louder. The sunshine from the places that I travelled to and the people that I met, helped this voice to be heard. It was an odd feeling. And a quote I heard from someone and I can’t remember whom, said we stand on the shoulders of our ancestors. This is part of our foundation. Did my ancestors struggle so I could just waste away my life, beat myself down so that I felt I was worth nothing? No.
They struggled to provide a better life for their children and their children’s children. So, why was I so internally negative? It didn’t match with my sense of reason. So this positive, passionate voice gradually became louder. And louder. And now I have my passion back.
Again. And this is my challenge.
To filter out the conversations that I don’t need. That don’t serve my self and my purpose.